I need to change. I think that I am just as stuck up in some ways as other people at ODA. But changing is so hard. I think that I should act more serious. One time Brittany described me as "too cheerful." The ironic thing about that is that I am really down a lot of the time especially at home. I don't understand why I act totally the opposite of who I am at school. I guess I just don't want people to think of me as depressed. But my crying is getting worse and worse as school goes on. Is it healthy? I don't know.

So all of this depression makes me eat. I like to eat when I am depressed.

I don't think that anyone REALLY cares about me. All I want is a best friend like Rachel used to be. But even Rachel has a new best friend. All I want is someone to really care about me like boyfriends care about their girlfriends. Yes, if only I could say that I have had a boyfriend before and that someone REALLY cared about me. Everyone else can. But I have gotten used to it now I guess. I have started to question whether or not I will ever get married. I mean if I don't date then I won't marry.

whatever. i'm out.