thinking... thoughts

I feel bad about myspace. Noone ever gives me comments and its usually my old friends from my old school that will IF they do. But what can I do? I would do anything for some attention from others. I have never felt so desperate. Its not that I feel like I need to be the center of attention, but I just want to be noticed as an actual person. I feel like the lonely quiet kid in class. I dont speak or ask questions in class because I feel like I will make a fool of myself or people will talk bad about me. I don't like staying after school because I have noone to talk to and everyone else does. It makes me feel bad. But see the thing is that I DON'T want to talk to them. I suppose that I am just that different from people who can afford to go to a $15k private school. I don't think that my personality is that different from theirs, but my values certainly are. I am stuck inside a world I hate.

There are more people going away from my "clique." About 3 people of our 12 person cliques are gone. I only have approximately 10 friends at ODA. It is very saddening to think about that. At Haile I had a whole lot more.

I have thought about going to Braden River a lot, practically every day. I think that academically it would be a poor choice.

In a perfect world this could never happen,
In a perfect world I would still go to Haile
It makes no sense.
But to people at ODA, it means nothing at all.
I used to think that I was strong,
Until it all went wrong
I think I need a miracle to make it through
I wish I could bring Haile back
I wish I could turn time back
I can't let go
I just can't find my way.
I don't know what I should do now
I don't know where to go.